Israelis move to shelters as Iran attack nears

19 Sep
MIDEAST ISRAEL SUKKOT

Israelis built makeshift shelters on balconies across the country in preparation for Iranian nuclear attack. Experts said the “God Pods” would provide little protection

(Jerusalem, September 19) As if sensing an imminent Iranian missile attack, Israelis moved en masse into makeshift shelters on Wednesday night, prompting diplomats and international news organizations to predict that a strike against Tehran’s fast-developing nuclear industry was imminent.

There was no official announcement, but millions of Israeli citizens made the move on Wednesday, perhaps as the result of a coded message issued by the government and unintelligible to foreigners.

Foreign media have predicted an imminent Israeli attack on Iran at least 26 times in the past five years. They live in hope.

The shelters, visible at homes across Israel, seemed to provide scant protection. Most were hurriedly constructed from wooden boards and roofed with tree branches. Some were lavishly decorated inside, while others remained bare.

The bizarre architecture seems to be based not on modern defense technology but on traditional religious plans for protective booths dating back to the early rabbis.

The shelters were soon dubbed “God Pods” by foreign media analysts.

Israelis were also laying in stocks of citrus fruit, palm branches and other natural vegetation that are believed to have medicinal properties in the event of an attack.

But experts said the God Pods would be “useless” against most modern weapons, even if fired by Iranians.

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12 Responses to “Israelis move to shelters as Iran attack nears”

  1. duanemiller September 19, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

    Haha, I get it ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Shlomo September 20, 2013 at 11:01 am #

    ื›ื™ ื™ืฆืคื ื ื™ ื‘ืกื›ื” ื‘ื™ื•ื ืจืขื”, ื™ืกืชืจื ื™ ื‘ืกืชืจ ืื”ืœื•, ื‘ืฆื•ืจ ื™ืจื•ืžืžื ื™. ื•ืขืชื” ื™ืจื•ื ืจืืฉื™, ืขืœ ืื™ื‘ื™ ืกื‘ื™ื‘ื•ืชื™.

  3. Janice Amrani September 20, 2013 at 8:55 pm #

    LOL – well said, Matthew Kalman.

  4. Ruth September 21, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

    Oh my god…i cant believe the ignorance of the person who wrote this article.
    Thats definitely not true. Those wooden little rooms have nothing to do with wars and they have been made since forever in jewish history.
    Research a little more please.

    • Menucha September 22, 2013 at 5:41 am #

      It’s a satire, Ruth.

      • Janice Amrani September 22, 2013 at 5:17 pm #

        I share your surprise, Menucha, that people didn’t pick up on the tongue-in-firmly-in-cheeks style of the piece. I chuckled when *I* read it. But I was amazed yesterday when I read all the Facebook hubbub after The Times of Israel promulgated it. What an uproar!

  5. Eema September 22, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

    There is concern of attack in other places too, our street in Maryland ( within 25 miles of Washington DC) has sprouted two of these structures.

  6. Anita Anibal Castaldi September 23, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

    hahahahahah this is funny, next week ” the goverment will tell us to destroy our shelters cuse the goyim found out about our dark planns “” wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiwiiiiiiiiiiii

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. » HILARIOUS SATIRE: Israelis Move To Shelters As Iran Attack Nears - September 20, 2013

    […] For more on this article click matthewkalmanblog […]

  2. Good News Friday | Anne's Opinions - September 20, 2013

    […] ridiculous, the well-known journalist Matthew Kalman has written a groan-worthy punny blog “Israelis move to shelters as Iran attack nears” – with his “shelters” being in reality […]

  3. Israelis Move To Shelters As Iranian Attack Nears. | Maggie's Notebook - September 21, 2013

    […] do hope that this is satire, but knowing the Muslim […]

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