Strauss-Kahn tipped as new Bank of Israel Governor

5 Aug

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(Jerusalem, August 5) Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the disgraced former IMF official and onetime front-runner for President of France, has been tipped to become the new governor of the Bank of Israel after the two previous choices withdrew their candidacy amid scandal over their private life.

“Our two previous choices withdrew following embarrassing revelations about their sex lives and brushes with the law. Strauss-Kahn has none of those problems – he is completely unashamed of his legal and sexual issues and we respect that,” Israeli Finance Minister Yair Lapid wrote on his Facebook page.

“We are looking for a world-ranked economist who is accustomed to being involved in the type of fiasco that the selection of the Bank of Israel governor has become. Strauss-Kahn is the obvious choice,” Lapid posted in a photo-caption on Instagram.

“It’s not that we’re desperate – but we’re desperate,” Lapid Tweeted, displaying the mastery of social media and sophisticated irony that made him one of Israel’s most successful media stars and one of its least convincing cabinet ministers.

Strauss-Kahn’s penchant for instant couplings with anonymous women is widely admired in Israel, where presidents, police chiefs, cabinet ministers and generals have been engaged in a long-running competition to abuse as many young women as they can.

“I can recommend Tel Aviv as the perfect place for Strauss-Kahn to spend his twilight years of sexual gluttony,” Lapid tweeted. “The city that never sleeps is a natural home for the man who sleeps with anyone.”

“A little French”

Strauss-Kahn is said to have told friends: “It’s high time the Israelis had a little French.”

Karnit Flug, the current Bank of Israel deputy governor who has been passed over twice for the top job because she is a woman, was last night re-considering her decision to resign in light of Strauss-Kahn’s possible arrival.

“I am not wedded to a low interest rate,” said Flug. “I only know Dominique by reputation but his presence may well spur an increase in yields.”

“I’m not the kind of woman who would restrict growth by weakening upward pressure,” she added.

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One Response to “Strauss-Kahn tipped as new Bank of Israel Governor”

  1. mariajmb August 5, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

    So it seems…. he doesn´t get much sleep… at least accompanied !
    Now, seriously, he is fitted for the job: has the knowledge, the brains and the stamina…

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