Pigs Call for Roger Waters Boycott

29 Jul

The offending inflatable suspended above a recent Roger Waters concert. "Associating us with evil capitalists and communists at the same time is just stupid"

The offending inflatable suspended above a recent Roger Waters concert. “Associating us with evil capitalists and communists at the same time is just stupid”

(London, July 29) Pigs worldwide have denounced as “insulting and degrading” an inflatable black porker suspended above the stage on a recent European tour by former Pink Floyd front man Roger Waters.

They have called for an international boycott against Waters, citing his “animalist” behaviour.

The inflatable swine was decorated with graffiti of various unpopular groups including oil companies, communists and Jews.

“It’s high time people stopped using pigs as an acronym for all things bad,” said Napoleon Squealer, a spokesperson for the Three Little Pigs (TLP), a porcine pressure group. “We’re not just dumb animals.”

“It’s high time that Waters and other animalists excised phrases like ‘chauvinist pig’ and ‘greedy pig’ from their vocabularies,” said Squealer. “Data shows that pigs are highly intelligent and clean animals. We can’t help it if we smell. Waters wouldn’t exactly give off a bouquet of roses after living for weeks in his own shit.”

The cover of Pink Floyd's Animals. "We were flattered. Now we realize the music is crap"

The cover of Pink Floyd’s Animals. “We were flattered. Now we realize the music is crap”

“Associating us with evil capitalists and communists at the same time is just stupid. Painting a Jewish star of David on a pig means what, exactly?” he asked.

TLP was formed in response to the publication of George Orwell’s Animal Farm in which many pigs thought they were unfairly portrayed as lying, manipulative, homicidal bastards. Since then it has campaigned largely behind the scenes to reduce the amount of anti-porcine references from the English language. For years they have been urging the Oxford English Dictionary to remove a definition of “swine” that TLP says is “offensive and outdated.”

A modernist splinter movement, Pig in a Blanket (PAB), was created a decade ago after a rift over the phrase “the whole hog.” Older pigs view the phrase as negative, while a younger generation has embraced it and made it their own.

TLP’s greatest success was the replacement in most professional sports events of the traditional football made from a pig’s bladder by a wholly synthetic model crafted by child slave labourers in the Third World.

Squealer said their problems with Waters began with the release of “Pigs on The Wing” on Pink Floyd’s 1977 album Animals with its famous cover art showing an inflatable pig suspended between the chimneys of Battersea Power Station in London.

“We were flattered, to be honest, by the cover of that album but he’s gone too far with this inflatable. Also, since it’s no longer the 1970s and we’ve stopped taking drugs, we now realize that Waters’ music is, well, crap.”

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