(Jerusalem, July 28) Archaeologists announced a spectacular discovery today – a monumental building that scholars believe is the ancient hostel where the biblical King David stayed during vacations in Jerusalem.
“This is the most important biblical discovery in history,” declared Professor Anat Bizarre. “It’s like finding David’s harp – which we expect to do next week.”
Prof Bizarre described the building as “a large, square structure of well-cut stones with several hundred rooms” on a hill overlooking the historic walled Old City of Jerusalem. Ironically, the building has been hiding in plain sight but no-one realized its significance – until now.
Prof Bizarre said the presence of so many rooms was an early indication that the researchers had found something special, but their hopes were realized when they identified a simple plaque bearing the name of the building above what appeared to be its front door.
“It said, quite simply, ‘King David Hotel’ – and that confirmed our hypothesis,” said the professor.
She said she had been searching for the hotel for 20 years after discovering that the road in which it stood was called King David Street. “That was a strong clue,” she said. Prof Bizarre said she might have found the hotel earlier if the street signage in Jerusalem had been more helpful.
“The signs are useless and my team keeps getting lost. We are still searching for a city bus map. It must be here somewhere,” she said.
Further examination yielded even more treasures – menus describing the exact food and drink that the biblical monarch liked to eat and a health centre and spa where he must have spent much of his leisure time. The complex contained sumptuously-decorated public rooms where scholars believe King David may have composed many of his famous psalms – a sort of biblical version of rap.
Archaeologists also found a large dining room, a swimming pool and even a concierge desk and check-in counter, much like those still in use today.
There also appeared to be bomb damage to one wing of the building which scholars suggest may have been an attempt by the Romans to destroy the edifice in an apparent effort to erase all traces of the ancient Israelite presence in Jerusalem.
“They didn’t have Photoshop in those days,” Prof Bizarre explained.
The current owners of the building said they were delighted by the news of their new historical connection. “This probably means we can charge even more than $400 a night,” said a spokesman. “Cool.”
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