(Jerusalem, July 23) US Secretary of State John Kerry has revealed the secret sauce behind his recent success in re-starting long-stalled peace talks between Israelis and Palestinians after years of frustration – and why he had to fly back and forth to Washington six times in four months.
A new mobile app on Kerry’s phone warns him each time Tony Blair is about to enter the region, giving the secretary of state ample warning to leave the area. By avoiding Blair, who has been based in Jerusalem for six years with no apparent results, Kerry was able to re-start the logjammed peace process within months of taking office.
“Most new apps rely on ‘big data’ that is crowd-sourced from millions of users,” one of the NSA developers of the Blair app explained. “But the technology here is very specific and so much harder to deploy. It needs to track the movements of a highly mobile former prime minister flitting around the world in first class in real time. It’s a major technological challenge.”
Kerry is said to be so delighted with the success of the Blair app he has ordered an upgrade that will help him avoid other troublesome international figures. The app makers recently recorded a second sale of the Blair avoidance technology, to a Judge Cherie Booth.
“If only Hillary had used Android, she would have beaten me to the punch,” Kerry told friends.