Fanatical disciples, some as young as their early 50s, sported the traditional hairdos, sequined denim jackets and painted faces of their tribe.
The Cliff led his entranced followers through recitals of his most famous hymns. They included “Bachelor Boy” – a prophecy that shocked his many female admirers when it was issued in his teens declaring he would never marry, and “The Young Ones” – an ironic statement on the average age of his audience.
While their Philipino care-givers danced in the aisles, the audience tapped their walking sticks in time to the music, which featured The Cliff himself on zimmer frame.
Archaeologists have hailed The Cliff as the finest example of mummification yet discovered outside ancient Egypt. He appeared hardly to have aged since his last miraculous appearance in the Holy Land 25 years earlier – a miracle that has led him to be dubbed “The Shimon Peres of Pop.”
“This kind of rock is extremely rare and hardly ever seen outside the Eurovision Song Contest,” an Israeli rock critic told The New York Times via a Twitter exchange between iPhone and Android, copied and pasted by the reporter into a Word file before emailing his story as he drank a cup of coffee with sugar but no milk and a muffin on the side.